Being a victorious mom…

26 Jan

I proudly announced to my husband this morning that I am ‘finally’ feeling as if I’m starting the year from a place of victory! My girls’ school uniforms and stationary have all been marked (in time for school), my diary is up to date and I’ve got an exciting vision for my business.

I used to be a person who functioned with lists. My life was carefully plotted out on either the pages of my diary, or on to-do stick it notes, neatly ticked off as I accomplished each item. I was even the one who reminded people of their anniversaries before they remembered….!  It sounds a bit painful, I know. Then we had our first daughter Kayla, and apart from the pajama drills and bloodshot eyes due to a lack of sleep, I was back into my routine quick enough. Even with the arrival of Nika, it felt like I sprung back to my real, organised life quite quickly! With two kids, ages well spaced, life was different and fun, but still manageable through little lists. And then Lana arrived, and with her came the wonderful, colourful, crazy lifestyle of a home with three girls. It brought orderly chaos into my life, which I have not yet restored, until maybe this year (which is not even one month old yet). For the past three years, since Lana’s birth,  I felt like I never knew what was going on, until it was maybe too late. I have not remembered birthdays (although it is in my diary) and if I remember in time, then the card or gift may not be ready. My phone is always on silent and I often have 15 voice messages on my phone before I get a moment to listen to it. That’s why this morning’s realization was so profound for me.

But soon after my feeling of elation at being in charge again, I wondered for a moment if it really is that important. After 3 years of living in a place of not being on top of it all, it might not be my goal anymore. Or might not even fit our current lifestyle anymore. And then the question: “What does it really mean to live from a victorious place as a mom (and wife)?”

Isn’t it funny how we can feel so self-confident in most aspects of our lives, but when it comes to being a mom it’s so easy to second-guess ourselves all the time. And so my thought pattern is: Is it okay to not always be in charge of to-do’s and meetings and times? Is it good enough to be uninvolved enough at school to not be a paranoid mom, but just involved enough to at least know when there is a school outing? Is it okay for our girls to maybe not attend all the school parties due to the invites getting lost (in the pile of unfilled papers on our dining room table), but rather for them to feel respected when they are with me? My conclusion: Even though our ‘baby’ is now 3 and I don’t have an excuse to be a bit scatter-brained anymore, my victory as a mom lies in the fact that I try and teach our girls that they are important, that they have value, that they are loved to bits and respected and that I truly enjoy them! I love their personalities, I love their uniqueness and I want them to know that they will be safe with us, always, regardless of what they do or don’t do. I want them to know that they are powerful and have influence and that I often learn huge life-lessons from them! Yes that’s it! That’s the victory! Teaching our kids to carry life lightly and embrace every moment. Teaching them to build memories, even if it’s just painting a picture or chasing the ice-cream van for a treat. Teaching our kids to take themselves lightly but feel worthy, to have fun and laugh together. Teaching them that they can do anything and encourage them to fly, and yet, let them enjoy their failures. Teaching them that relationships are way more important than anything else. I now have a heart connection with each one of these three girls. I do not just function with them.

So, I might not ever be a list-person again. Yay, what a relief. But I do live a victorious life! May your days be filled with victory and lots of amazing moments.

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One Response to “Being a victorious mom…”

  1. Natalie Fernandes January 30, 2012 at 6:43 pm #

    Thanks Loudine. I am now also a mom of three(our latest addition, Gracie-Mae is 4 months old). you may remember me, we attended the first loving your kids on purpose that you did (Vivien’s friend). it is such a relief to read what you wrote. it helps me feel more normal about my insane life and less guilty at my inaility to control it, and yes, encouraged to focus on relationship with God and my kids over a goal orientated life. thanks again and blessings to you and yours, love Natalie.

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